JOE CAMEL IS INNOCENT !!!

I am here today to proclaim that JOE CAMEL is innocent! JOE CAMEL, the most vilified cartoon character of our time was framed.

In 1992 a group known as the Coalition on Smoking and Health began to petition the Federal Trade Commission to ban JOE CAMEL, citing that because he is a cartoon character, he has a great influence on young people, teenagers and even pre-teens in influencing them to smoke.

Well then I say that if these same left-wing, socialist, liberal, secular “progressives” really think that cartoons are powerful enough with that type of influence, then the Cartoon Network and all modern day cartoons are the reason why young people today are so naïve, ill educated, self centered and shallow.

Why am I defending JOE CAMEL? Because JOE CAMEL was finally banned from being in all types of advertising in July of 1997. No longer could we see JOE in magazines, billboards or even t-shirts. In fact all cigarette advertising was banned by the federal government I would say by 95%. (If you think about it, when the federal government banned cigarette advertising, how many jobs do you think that eliminated?) Banned so much so, that the makers of WINSTON cigarettes could not even advertise, or even put their name on anymore --- on their own NASCAR race.

With that all said, I defend JOE CAMEL because I still see the same amount of young people today smoking as much as when I did, and I quit smoking 33 years ago. Cigarettes today cost anywhere from $6.00 to $8.50 a pack, I would estimate that 90% of the price is for taxes. When I smoked they were 50 cents a pack, 35 cents on the Naval Base I was stationed at. Plus, we had vending machines, which have since been banned, (more jobs lost?). If there are no vending machines, then where are these underage kids today getting their smokes?

With all the campaigns to quit smoking, and the constant attack on the tobacco industry, there are just as many young people today smoking as when I did. Hey kids, I’ll give you an incentive to quit. You girls who smoke? Well --- kissing you is the equivalent of licking an ashtray.

JOE CAMEL is innocent, and since Bill Clinton was president at the time, (who is known for his own infamous use of a tobacco product), I believe he owes JOE an apology, and should formally find a way to totally exonerate him from all blame --- and even pardon him.